Administration Professional Pathways
Executive Update
Take Charge Of Those Difficult Conversations
quickly and easily. 3 Our everyday thoughts and words are based on our prior knowledge and experiences. But our experiences don’t always prepare us for every situation that presents itself. While heuristics can reduce the burden of decision-making and free up limited cognitive resources, they can also be costly when they lead individuals to miss critical informa- tion or act on unjust biases. 4 Heuristics help us to function. After all, it would take so much time and effort if we had to stop and think about every little thing we say or do. The problem is, heuristics can negatively impact our effectiveness when managing difficult conversations. 2. Labeling — Frequently, we assign a positive or a negative label to people. For example, if someone doesn’t meet our expectations of how to fulfill a project deadline, we might label them as “lazy,” without first exploring the relevant circumstances. 3. Over-generalizing — It’s rather common for people to make sweeping statements about individuals or groups, based only on limited information. We’ve heard statements like, “all men are lazy” or “women are too emotional.” 4. Assuming — Individuals sometimes surmise that they can read another person’s mind. They believe they know what the other person is thinking, and act based on those assumptions. For example, Sam, who often arrives late, might think he knows what his boss is thinking: “She just thinks I’m lazy.” What we think about something or someone, ultimately affects our choice of words. Our thoughts are powerful, but often we neglect how they affect our actions. There are things you can do, though: • Take time to process your thoughts regarding an employee. • Think about the heuristics you rely on, and consider whether they’re getting in the way of good communication. • Remember how much power your thoughts can unleash. You have a lot of control over whether a conversation goes well or goes poorly. Emotions Underlie Every Difficult Conversation Our emotions play heavily into how we manage difficult conversations. It’s vital to be aware of emotions, because they can have a great influence on what we say and do. As Carl Jung
Let me introduce you to three people. First, there’s Sam, who frequently shows up late to work. Then there’s Chris, who is always saying derogatory things about you during manage- ment meetings. And finally, there’s Jamie, who keeps defying the accepted district dress code, even though she has been reminded about its importance. These are all situations that cause you, and other staff, problems at work. As their manager, you need to find a way to discuss these situations with them. It’s never easy to raise sensitive matters with staff. That’s why so many of us don’t do it. Actually, it’s one of the most difficult things a leader has to do. Nevertheless, by not having these types of difficult conversations, especially when the infraction is fresh in everyone’s minds, you miss a valuable opportunity for
Constructive Steps Toward Better Communi- cation
By Tami West, PhD
growth, both for you and for your staff. Take Action Through Language
Most of us don’t think about language: we just use it. However, understanding language, and the impact it can have on a situ- ation, is the first step toward becoming a good communicator, and a great leader. Traditionally, language is defined as a system of symbols whose meaning is agreed upon within a particular group or culture. It is how a group expresses its thoughts, ideas, opinions, and emotions. 1 And if you’re part of this particular group or culture, you’ll generally understand each other more easily than if you’re an outsider. However, language is so much more than a passive or rote activity. Choosing the right words in the right circumstances is actually a form of taking action. 2 For example, say you ask Chris why he made such derogatory remarks about you during your meeting. He might reply, “But I was just kidding around.” From experience, you know Chris wasn’t kidding, but you don’t know what Chris’s intent really was. Whatever Chris meant, his behavior illustrates how important it is for you to choose your words very carefully when you react to his behavior, and to communicate in a way that is unlikely to be misunderstood. Don’t Jump to Conclusions If you want to manage a difficult conversation effectively, you need to be aware of the barriers to good communication that exist. These include: 1. Relying on heuristics. A heuristic is an unconscious mental shortcut that allows us to make decisions or form opinions
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